CHRIS STAMM, twenty years old and dressed in black jeans and a T-shirt, sits at an editing bay with his back to the camera. Turning around and acting surprised to see the camera, he addresses the audience.
Oh . . . hello, didn’t see you there. I’m just putting the final touches on the film you’re about to see. My name is Chris Stamm, the director of the film . . . and while I do not typically indulge in theatrical displays such as this one, I felt inclined to express my pride in this project--the first ever neo-noir minimalist metaphysical musical comedy--and to greet you--kind viewer. So, without further adieu . . .
CREDITS
SCROLLING TITLE:
‘The year is 2051 A.D. The downward spiral has begun. Christ has fled heaven and cannot be found. The Vatican is understandably upset. Clergymen across the country attempt to quell the panic of their congregations. And Ned Dillibrandt of Orange, New Jersey still can’t find his shoes.’
EXT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY
It is high noon as the sun shines brightly on a dilapidated office building, its façade scarred by broken windows and scaffolding.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY - HALLWAY
At the end of a long hallway looms a closed door, the glass window of which has stenciled lettering identifying the occupant: SAM FALLS, PRIVATE DETECTIVE.
INT. OFFICE BUILDING - DAY - SAM’S OFFICE
SAM FALLS, thirty-two years old, sits at a large oak desk, the only piece of furniture in the room save for a file cabinet in the corner. Sam’s ten o’clock shadow and tousled hair, along with his old brown suit, give him the appearance of someone much older. Sun shines through the heavy wooden window blinds, and a small rotating fan intermittently directs air towards Sam’s face. On his desk are two telephones and a stack of papers. He leans back in his chair and taps his pencil on the desk, mimicking a rat-a-tat-tat drumbeat. The phone rings, and Sam picks it up.
SAM
Sam Falls, Private Detective.
Sam waits for an answer, at which time an upbeat Gilbert and Sullivan-esque song begins. The caller begins to sing, the words coming from the phone, initiating the beginning of the first musical number. Through the course of GOD’s song, Sam taps the beat of the song either with his pencil or with his feet. His face registers amusement, which turns into a subtle shock.
GOD
Hello there, Detective Falls
I have a problem that needs solved
I am one that they call God
Your heavenly father up above
Some shout that I’m a fraud
Others claim that I am love
I grant no monetary sum
But offer a place in my kingdom
My son has fled heaven, you hear
To live a life of earthly pleasure
His ill-advised escape, I fear
Forces me to apply this pressure
Sam’s other telephone begins to ring.
GOD
In exchange for Christ’s return
Happiness is yours, you can be sure
Now you know why I have made this call
What is your reply Detective Falls?
SAM (singing along with the tune)
Hold on, I’ve got another call.
Sam sets down the telephone to pick up the other phone, as the music begins to fade out.
SAM
Sam Falls, Private Detective.
On his hello, a darker and slightly more ominous variation on God’s music begins, as the caller starts the next musical number. Sam’s actions are similar to his movements and facial gestures during God’s song.
SATAN
Salutations, Detective Falls
I hear you’ve received a call
From the corrupter they named God
The power-hungry heavenly fraud
I also seek Jesus Christ
But I’ll need you on my side
Call me Satan, the devil
The prince of darkness, king of evil
For your service, a place in Hell
And face it, Sam, you’re no angel
You’ll be my partner in crime
Right hand man ‘til the end of time
My desire for Christ impels this call
What do you say, Detective Falls?
As Satan’s song ends, Sam places the receiver on the desk and leans back in his chair, lighting a cigarette in the process. Sam now picks up both receivers, placing each one to a different ear. Music begins as Sam sings into the telephone placed to his right ear.
SAM
You who call yourself heavenly father
Prove to me that you are no liar
And demonstrate your divinity
By looking deep inside of me
Tell me my heart’s true desire
And to your wishes I shall agree
GOD
A simple request you ask of me
For all men want the same thing
You think you are oh so clever
But every human wants to live forever
Sam puts down the phone in a state of shock, as the music continues. He sings into the receiver at his left ear.
SAM
You who call yourself the devil
How do I know you’re on the level?
Before I believe all that you’ve said
You must prove your evil eminence
Tell what I’ve always wished for
And I will forever and ever be yours
SATAN
I laugh at this question, Sam
For the same wish lies in every man
You think you’re so smart and bright
But everyone wants eternal life
Sam, exasperated and panicked, puts down the receiver. Wringing his hands and smoking his cigarette compulsively, he picks up each phone once again. He begins to sing into the phone with God on the other end.
SAM
I will aid in your recovery of Christ
And return your son to set things right
Sam hangs up the phone, and begins to sing into the telephone with Satan on the line.
SAM
I will start on the matter right away
Mr. Satan, Christ will be yours in days
Sam hangs up the phone, and once again leans back in his chair.
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Sam walks along the sidewalk of a city street, as cars speed by and crowds rush past him. He walks toward the camera, lamenting his fate in song. It is a somber tune, and the ambience of the city becomes a part of the music. Female vocalists can be heard harmonizing, although they are not seen.
SAM
This marks day number seven
Of my search for Christ
And both Hell and Heaven
Guarantee an afterlife
As he sings these words, loud shouts and bangs can be heard off screen. We hear screams and pleas, signaling a struggle off screen. As we hear the off screen chaos, Sam’s song begins to slow down and speed up erratically, the image mirroring the change in speed of the song. The image stabilizes, as does the song, as Sam continues.
SAM
When I find this Jesus Christ
He shall help me to decide
In which kingdom we shall reside
We will have to choose a side . . .
The music suddenly cuts out, as does Sam’s voice, although he continues to mouth the words. Off screen, we hear a voice.
TERRORIST (off screen)
No, keep rolling! I want you to get this, keep the fucking camera on!
Sam looks around, confused, and looks up into the sky, as we cut to:
INT. STUDIO - DAY
A crazed man dressed in black, about thirty years old, is struggling with Chris Stamm, who is attempting to protect the film equipment in the studio with his body. The TERRORIST gains the upper hand and proceeds to tie Chris to a chair. The terrorist looks into the camera.
TERRORIST
Keep rolling, keep rolling! This is my fucking movie now. Keep the camera on me,
I want you to get this.
The terrorist moves to the editing bay as the camera follows him in a shaky handheld shot. The terrorist proceeds to cut and splice film haphazardly and arbitrarily. Chris Stamm, in the background, struggles to escape.
EXT. CITY STREET - DAY
Sam continues to look dazedly around, and continues his walk towards the camera. He attempts to sing once again, but sound does not come out of his mouth. Panicking, he stops short. He turns his head to look around, at which time a match-on-action cut brings him to another space:
EXT. RAILROAD TRACKS - DAY
Sam, once he recognizes he is in a foreign space, looks around at his new environment, stunned.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
Terrorist cutting and splicing film.
EXT. RAILROAD TRACKS - DAY
Sam’s reaction is still one of shock. He begins to walk toward the camera; another match-on-action cut bringing him into a new space:
EXT. HILLSIDE - DAY
Sam’s panic remains, as a series of increasingly rapid match-on-action cuts bring him to a series of landscapes:
EXT. BEACH - DAY
EXT. FREEWAY - DAY
INT. CHURCH - DAY
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist cuts and splices film.
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
Sam’s panic from the previous environment is still evident in his body as he finds himself on the sidewalk of an almost prototypical small town main street. A clock tower looms above him, and run down bars and antique shops line the street. Sam examines his surroundings and walks down the street, when he comes across an old man sitting on a bus stop bench. Sam approaches the man as music begins.
SAM
Excuse me, good sir, my name is Sam
Be so kind, and tell me where I am
I have lost my way, it seems
And have arrived here as if in a dream
OLD MAN
Well Sam this is the street they call Main
But the town, it has no name
SAM
I come to find a man they call Christ
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist is sitting at the editing bay, and he begins to slow down the speed of the film, and make other adjustments to the audio equipment. When we cut back to Sam and the Old Man, their words begin to slow down, and the volume begins to fluctuate, making their conversation difficult to decipher.
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
SAM
Perhaps he lives amongst you
OLD MAN
The name you give rings no bells
But go to Maria, and she may help
INT. ANTIQUE SHOP - DAY
Sam stands opposite MARIA, a middle-aged woman working behind the counter. A crucifix is worn prominently around her neck, and her hair falls straight down her back, stopping at her waist.
SAM
Good Maria, I’ve been sent to see you
In hopes you can help in finding Christ
Do you know this man? And if you do
Tell me where he spends his earthly life
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist continues the actions from above, resulting in the same manipulations of the song that Maria sings.
INT. ANTIQUE SHOP - DAY
MARIA
Yes, sir, I can answer your question
Your search is over, Christ is all around
He is not on earth, and not in Heaven
Just accept him, and he is thus found
Sam stares at her, and leaves exasperated. Walking outside, the music still playing, he bumps into a DRUNK MAN.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist continues his manipulation of the film, resulting in the same distortions and disruptions as above.
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
SAM
Ah, the town drunk, perhaps you can assist
For men like you do have a habit
Of catching what others miss
Do you know Christ, and where he lives?
DRUNK MAN
Funny you mention the name of Christ
For I was at my drinking hole last night
A boozehound was making a big fuss
Said he was new here, his name was Jesus
He’s staying on the border of the town
Continue your quest and he will be found.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist is sitting at the editing bay, as he begins to increase the speed of the image.
EXT. COUNTRY SIDE - DAY
Sam walks along a dirt path, the sun shining hard on his sweating body. As a result of the terrorist’s manipulations, his action is occurring at four times the normal speed. He arrives at an isolated and run-down shack, at which time the film returns to a normal speed. Music begins.
SAM
Here I will find him.
Sam walks up the path to the front door.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
Chris Stamm is struggling more desperately than ever, as the terrorist laughs and reverses the direction of the film.
EXT. JESUS’ HOUSE - DAY
Sam is nearing the door, and suddenly the image reverses in high speed, bringing him back to the foot of the path in front of the house. He is confused and bewildered, while the music continues.
SAM
What is the meaning of this?
The image being reversed, and no cuts having occurred, Sam also must repeat his other line.
SAM
Here I will find him.
Sam makes his way up the path once again, in the same shot as previously. This time the image is sped up, bringing him to the door quickly. Once there, however, his action is reversed and he finds himself back in the same spot.
SAM
An unseen hand is in control, it seems
But I will allow no such thing
It is still the same shot, so Sam repeats his previous lines.
SAM
What is the meaning of this?
Here I will find him.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist speeds up the image.
EXT. JESUS’ HOUSE - DAY
Sam moves up the path once more.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist stops the film’s movement.
EXT. JESUS’ HOUSE - DAY
Sam remains frozen at the door.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist stands up and leaves the film equipment, passing Chris and giving him a firm slap on the face. He paces back and forth in front of the camera, and pulls a lead pipe out of the inside pocket of his jacket. He violently raises it above the film equipment. Before bringing it down, he looks into the camera and exclaims:
TERRORIST
This is a pipe!
The terrorist brings the pipe down on the film equipment. Cut to:
EXT. JESUS’ HOUSE - DAY
The freeze frame remains from the previous scene, but we hear the off screen sounds of the terrorist destroying the film equipment. At this moment the camera tilts sideways, as the ground Sam is standing on becomes vertical. As this happens, the image begins to move once again, as Sam falls off the ground and down out of the screen. Sam recovers from this fall as the image stabilizes. The sound of the film, however, becomes pure chaos, as previous songs echo and collide with eachother, as Sam attempts to yell and talk, no sound coming from his mouth.
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
The old man on the bench sits as before, when the image begins to shake and destabilize, throwing him off the bench.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist continues to smash equipment, as Chris Stamm remains struggling and tied up.
INT. ANTIQUE SHOP - DAY
Maria is behind the counter of the antique shop, attempting to hide underneath it, as the image is flickering and trinkets are falling down off the shelves, a result of the destabilized and increasingly shaky image.
EXT. MAIN STREET - DAY
The town drunk sits on the sidewalk, his back against the façade of a storefront window. He sits back as the space around him begins to shake and the camera angles become disjointed and confusing.
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist continues his destruction.
MONTAGE
The cinematic world is totally breaking down, as camera angles turn the ground upside down or sideways, sending the various characters - the town drunk, Maria, the old man, and Sam - into various states of panic and desperation. The images of these characters begin to fade in and out and flicker on and off, as the characters attempt to run or talk or scream, although these attempts are thwarted by framing and/or an incomprehensible sound mix. Finally, Sam begins clapping a simple beat with his hands. Intercutting reveals that the rest of the film’s characters join in on this musical finale, including the film terrorist and Chris Stamm. As a chorus, they begin to sing the song a capella, intercutting showing that they all join in.
CHORUS
God and the devil they both know
That we want to live forever
But what they will never know
Is that we will live forever
Yeah yeah yeah we’re never gonna die
Yeah yeah yeah we’ve got a piece of the pie
We don’t need a place in the sky
We don’t want their afterlife
Yeah Yeah Yeah we’re never gonna die
Yeah Yeah Yeah we’ll live forever
We will live forever
We will live forever
As they repeat the refrain ‘we will live forever’ the intercutting becomes more rapid, and the images become less stable (shaking camera, canted angles, and increased opacity) and the sound becomes muddled.
EXT. JESUS’ HOUSE - DAY
Sam is singing the ‘we will live forever’ refrain as he stands on the path leading to Jesus’ house. The camera begins to shake, as we continue to hear the terrorist destroying the film equipment off screen. As Sam repeats this line of the song, the image begins to flicker on and off, and finally disappears. Off screen, we hear someone yell:
DIRECTOR
Cut!
INT. STUDIO - DAY
The terrorist stops his destruction, as the DIRECTOR walks into the frame, untying Chris Stamm and addressing both the terrorist and Chris.
DIRECTOR
Okay, guys. Only two more shots and we’ll be done for the day.
On the word ‘day’, the image begins to flicker on and off, as in the previous scene at Jesus’ house. In addition, the audio and video are slowed down to the point that the director’s last word is unintelligible. The screen then goes black.
THE END
Mission from God: A Four Track Musical
Chris Stamm
February 1, 2001